Starbound
by sailboatsupernova
Summary: Jorj grew up thinking that if he just reached out far enough, he could join in on whatever adventure was surely happening beyond the atmospheric barrier of his home planet. Now he realizes that you can get so much more by reaching out, but the present barrier is certainly different than a simple layer of gas. (Connected to 'An Awakening') [Thrawn/Jorj Car'das]


Space was something that everyone was accustomed to in the galaxy. It was literally the universal form of travel, as far as Jorj knew. And even if you were born on one of those few planets where interstellar travel had not yet reached, you simply had to look up at the sky and know that you were not alone. That someone, something, was out there in the infinite black.

Out here in the Unknown Regions, Jorj couldn't help but feel different about what had felt so familiar. Of course, he knew that space here was the same as space everywhere. There were planets and moons, asteroids, maybe even a black hole or two. Here though, there was nothing familiar. Every ball of flaming gas he saw was new, every far-off planet was an undiscovered mystery. I may be the first of my kind to see all of this.

Despite whatever false feelings of difference filled his thoughts, staring out into the abyss from inside the Springhawk filled him with the same sort of wistful wonder that staring up at the night sky had when he was a child. Knowing that there was something out there, and if he could just reach out far enough, he could join in. Here everything is so much closer; no longer is it miles of atmosphere keeping him in place, but a single sheet of some see-through material. If he reached out to touch it he knows he would feel the cold of the vacuum beyond seep into his flesh.

He kept his hands at his sides, unable to find the strength to lift them, to hold them against the one shield between him and nothing. The wonder, the amazement he felt at seeing not only new space - new planets and stars and moons - but also new people and culture, did nothing to curve his wistfulness.

As a child it had been from a deep-seated knowledge - if I leave home, I may never come back. Even now it was still the same. If I leave my galaxy, I may never come back, he thought with a wry smile.

A distant streak of white flashes across the black backdrop before him. He remembers belatedly that he should make a wish but he wouldn't know where to even begin. What would he even want? He knows he wants something, that it has to do with the longing in his chest but it isn't necessarily connected to what he called "home".

Movement from behind startles him out of his thoughts and he whirls around to see what it is, his hand coming up to block his eyes from a harsh light. He peeks over his hand and can't help but calm as he sees Thrawn standing in the doorway, the lights from the hallway pouring in around him. He is staring back at Jorj with the soft intensity he seems to watch everything with and not a word is spoken as Thrawn steps into the room fully and shuts the door behind them. The light from the hallway is blocked, and once again it is just Jorj and the vacuum just beyond the barrier, with the addition of two more glowing balls of fire in the distance. As Thrawn approaches where Jorj is standing he can make out the other a little better, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room quickly after having been in here for so long. Thrawn is as he always seems - firm posture, perfect uniform - but in the darkness the sharpness in his features looks softer. His eyes glow brighter, and when he gets close enough Jorj can see the reflection of the stars he had just been admiring in their red tint.

"I see you have found the viewing room." He keeps his volume low as he speaks, as if he doesn't want to disturb whatever Jorj had been doing before he had walked in. "I apologize if I am interrupting anything."

Jorj gives him a slow shake of his head and a soft smile. "No need for an apology. I was just letting my thoughts roam."

That earns a nod of understanding. "I too come here to think on occasion. Would you mind if I stayed for a few moments?"

"No," Jorj says, voice just as soft as Thrawn's was just moments before. "Of course not."

Thrawn gives him a small nod of thanks, something human that he has picked up from spending time with both Jorj and his companions. Jorj wonders if he knows he does it, and realizes that he must - he has never seen Thrawn make that gesture to one of his own kind. He settles in beside Jorj, eyes shifting away from the human and out towards the blackness that surrounds them. The silence that follows is relaxed, though Jorj can feel a tension in his stomach. It is a good sort of tension though, more of a gentle anticipation than anything else. What he could possibly be anticipating he couldn't begin to guess. He lets his eyes drift over to where Thrawn is beside him, takes in the shape of his profile in the soft starlight. Jorj cannot imagine what the man could be thinking. He has been making progress with how to read Thrawn's body and face, but he is still a hard man to figure out.

He isn't sure what makes him speak, if it is some impulse or if he saw something in the other man's face, but when he does it somehow feels right. "It's beautiful," he begins, waiting until he has Thrawn's attention before continuing. "All of it, out there. I know this must sound ridiculous, but I feel like I'm getting to see something completely new. Something untouched."

It is easier than he had expected to bear the weight of the man's bright gaze as he is studied. It feels like a small eternity before Thrawn responds. "I suppose it could sound "ridiculous", as you say, but I also understand how you feel. I have felt the same way many times before."

Jorj can't help but smile. It feels nice to be validated, after all.

Thrawn glances away, eyes back to the window but he is simply scanning the outside for something. Jorj is about to ask if something is wrong, but Thrawn is first to speak.

"May I show you something?"

What slight worry had built up inside Jorj dissipates with those five words and he responds, "Yes."

Then Thrawn is in his space. Jorj blinks in surprise but keeps his body still, calm, as Thrawn shifts around him, close but never quite touching. He is looking out the massive window, and Jorj watches as he raises an arm and points at something out in the darkness. "Do you see that small glowing orb?"

Jorj follows his finger with his eyes, scans the area for a second before spotting what he thinks the other is referring too. "The bluish-white one? Yes, I see it."

"That is Csilla," Thrawn says it with such a soft reverence Jorj knows exactly what he is being shown before he is told.

Jorj recalls the secretive man he had first met a few weeks ago, who hadn't even trusted them with which languages he knew at that first meeting. He realizes that this is that same man, who just showed him his home, given it a name. The significance is by no means lost on Jorj.

He turns his head, and finds red eyes already watching him. For the first time since Thrawn entered the room he has no idea what to say. He knows what he wants to do; he wants his hands on Thrawn. He wants to reach up and carefully take his face in between his hands, tell him some corny line stolen from a bad holo. The stars aren't the only beautiful, untouched thing out here.

But it isn't the right time. It might never be. He sees something in those red eyes that makes his chest ache, but he can't bring himself to give in.

He sees how the other Chiss look at him and his two companions. When they think he is not listening, he hears their remarks about him, and subsequently, about Thrawn in regards to his constant presence around Jorj. It's killing him, but he can't see this man hurt by Jorj's own actions. He refuses to be the reason Thrawn's own people look down at him.

"I would show you my planet, but I think it's a little too far away."

In a single sentence, the moment is gone. Thrawn quirks an eyebrow at him, but Jorj can hear a soft exhalation through his nose - he thinks it's the closest thing to a laugh he has ever heard from Thrawn. He pretends that it will make up for what has been lost. "I would say that you are correct, but thank you for the offer anyway." He steps back away from Jorj, hands sliding behind his back and face going blank as he turns back to stare at space. "Perhaps someday."

Jorj can't help but smile at him. "Someday," he promises, and he won't let himself hope that he glimpsed a smile on Thrawn's face but his stomach twists all the same.

If I could just reach out far enough. Jorj carefully let his eyes drift over Thrawn, to where his hands are clasped behind his back. He considers it, let his hands grow heavy with the imagined weight of another. Instead he crosses his arms across his chest, shifting his eyes back to the view of space.

He remembers the shooting star, and realizes that what he wants has everything to do with "home". It's just that home feels a lot closer than it has in years.


End file.
